Shake the Glitter Baby.

I'm happy now, I do. Life is fair enough for me. My life is not depends on tossing dice or gambling. Look high at great opportunities and goddamn I have fun friends. I realized I need to pull my old friends and keep them from running away. I feel that I'm so selfish but that's Aida, always being eager to find more friends. But blamed me not. I don't have any intention for being such a snobbish person. I've been through a really hard time back to 2, 3 years before. Friendship is my biggest fear in life chain. Though it may lead to heart broken. I used to give fulltime effort to win my friendship and keep it from falling apart. But it's proven, people changed, people never stay the same. I'd been abandoned by an ex friend and even I'm offering friendship for her, she never accept it and let everything left unspoken. Seems like her attention given to me was a completely farce after all. But now, I can held my head up to space. I can show my popular joker face in front of her without feeling inhuman anymore. I enjoyed everything I've earned now, it's beyond my expectation till it took my sanity. Danggg. There was a great people behind every single fun we experienced. :) I won't mention anyone's name here cos I don't want to show my appreciation towards anyone, or else they will 'Perasan'! ROFL. I guess keeping it to myself sounds more fun. XP.

And the best part is, I'm living my life at the utmost admiration and affection. I'm impressed with everyone's genuine intelligence level and at the same time been able to balance their social life. That's what we called, BEAUTY WITH BRAIN. Can you see the point?

Next, to YOU, I'm sorry if all this time I act such a burden to you. I'll try to stop bugging you at chatbox cos I'm worried if you'll get annoyed later on. So buzzed me if you free okay? :)

Oh one more, I love acting such a bitch! XP So I don't give a damn bout others' thought. Get the hell out from my life you troublesome. Your attention is not needed. Thanks.

Silent Thoughts.

I was all alone in the middle of the night and these sensational unrealistic feelings deep inside me are getting vivid. I refused to post any entry bout my unrealistic emotion cos i don't wanna people to undermine me and look me as a miserable pathetic person. I prefer to put my weaknesses beneath the pillow. And that's the reason i deactivate my previous blog. But i'm feeling human now, i can't help being explosive at this time. My fingers are eager to type all the lumps inside me. There's mixture of feelings now, guess that keeping all those unwanted feelings to myself wasn't a brilliant idea.

fathoming of what i had left behind and what i had earned, I can't keep tears from running down at the edge of my eyes. I always believe that birds always come back to it's nest. But i'm feeling unsure if i can wait long enough, waiting for something that i doubt of the existence. I know i shouldn't stop having faith cos i'm the one who promising you a hope, but it started to fade away now. I can't feel your presence anymore, no catalyst left to spur my confidence towards us. I never look us as one anymore, i saw two different person, with two different world.

I try to fix things up but it's getting harder and harder. Ignorance started to sound bliss for me. I prefer to ignore you, letting everything left undefined. Not a good idea after all, but it's ease me at this moment. I miss you and everything that we ever had. But i'm letting off the grip now, cos i never wanna be a hindrance for you to be happy.

I wanna talk to someone, who could shove away the grief and sadness i felt. And keep everything from falling apart. I need any mantra that can soothe this frenzy emotion. There's always a good people around me, but i don't want to burden them. I don't want anyone to see my tears from running down.


But i wish, i just wish that someone will read this and willing to listen to my silent thoughts. Will you?

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